You have the Power

I cant explain my feelings, just that it hurts and feels good at the same time. Its hard to let go of what happened in the past. And it's hard to bring in the new. My heart feels deep, twisted, ready to let go and flourish. I want to let it out but I'm scared. It's hard when I look at you and you look away. I don't know what your thinking, I don't know if you feel like I do. I don't even know how I feel exactly. I don't know whats going on when I'm gone. Its hard to be far away in a place that brings me no love. I need to find something new that works, a new state of mind, a new me in a sense. I just want to let go. Be free if you will. Just be me, but I'm scared. Scared of what can happen and what just might happen if I do. I don't want to get hurt and start over again. I don't know if its worth the pain.

Back to Work

So Friday turned out good. My friend picked me up Thursday night around 7 or so and we just hung out. Friday came around and I hooked up with Kacie and we went on our date as planned, I said it wasn't official because she was driving haha but it was still good for her first one (so i think). Now I'm back working, started yesterday which sucked because I didn't really do anything except hand people tools but today was good. Now off to the week..

Slave Labor is Out

Today sucked at work. The guy that was supposed to work with me actually showed up and we finished raking the yard. This took us all day and was extremely tiring, but we got it done. I got mad because the guy I was with was the guy my step dad called to do all the work that he didn't want to do. The reason is I'm not here to be a laborer for my step dad I'm here to help him finish this house. for what hes paying me it doesn't seem worth me being his bitch. but I got upset and talked to him about it and got some of it resolved. In the end I have tomorrow off because there is nothing for me to do till Saturday and now I'm going back to Poway to see my friends and my girlfriend. I'm taking my girlfriend on a date on Friday, it's supposedly her first one ever so I'm stoked to be that guy. Right now I'm packing my stuff for these 2 nights and just waiting on my friend to come pick me up. Hopefully I will get over this little attitude and have a good time. I start again on Saturday tiling the shower wall. Shouldn't be as bad as raking the damn weeds. That shit sucked.

Turn of Events

Today was destined to be bad. A worker that was supposed to help me weed whack and rake the yard of this house bailed so I had to do it myself, my girlfriend was texting me saying she almost got hit like 3 times, was late for work and just had it set in her head that today sucked. It started off bad for the most part, I finished all of my tasks in the house and started to put sunscreen on my tattoos to get ready to start the suck. I finished weed wacking and took my lunch break a little annoyed. After my break I started raking the weeds up, I got a little less than half way done and the painter showed up. This is about the time the day turned around. I stopped raking and started talking to him about what needed to be done and then just started small talking till my step dad showed up. when we got done doing everything and cleaning up we took off and went to home depot to pick up painting supplies. We dropped them off at the house and headed to the store so I could pick up some more lunch things. My step dad and I were talking the whole way about good things and the aura just felt right. We got home and did our thing and everything just still seemed to be good. Even my step dads mom was being nice and didn't put me down in the slightest way. Right now the only bad in the air is me not being in Poway with my girlfriend, but I'm planing something on Friday for us and we should have a good time. Today didn't suck for me after all

Burning Daylight

Well today was a good day so far jus gotta burn 5 boring hours till i fall asleep and start again tomorrow. My step dad came to the house with me today and we got alot done. i like it better when hes there cuz if i get confused hes right there to explain it to me which helps me work faster. but today i move onto the baseboard and got just about all of it done just one bathroom left and thats it. I really want to get this house done so i can go back home and relax for a bit and maybe find a real job. I found out that sinc ethis is all under the table and it has been since i was 14 that none of this experience counts towards any real job. Thanks step dad... so i dont think im going to bean electrician or a plumber or any construction field. i dont feel like going through 4 years of an apprenticeship and then getting a couple years of experience to get my contractors license.. i can jus go to college and make more money. so yeah off to burn the last few hours of the day.

From the Desert

This is a video of my girl and me out at Ocotillo. hahaha this makes me laugh every time. (shes on the little quad)

New Thoughts

Today was a good day, i finished all of tile on the floor and tomorrow i start on the baseboard and finish cleaning the floors. Then do the switches and clean up a bit. So today on one of my breaks I started thinking about what i'm doing for my step dad. I'm working on this house for during the week and he works on it on the weekends. Now hes going to be making around 30 grand or more and he going to be paying me 1000 plus paying off my fines which add up to under 2 grand. now that is about 10 percent of the actual profit that will be made and im doing most of the work. I'm just thinking here but i am living at his house during the week and he pays for my food which is not much. 20 to 30 a week. so idk if i'm getting forced into slave labor here or if i should just be happy with the job. If anyone out there has an opinion please help me settle my thoughts. My step dad has helped me out alot and i have also made him alot of money.